In answer. I torture myself because sometimes life hurts... and gets lonely. I hesitate to post this but it was written last friday night in notepad, because at the time I just needed an... out. I'm a rational human being, more rational than most I've met, and I deal with my own problems. Don't you go worrying about me.

09/10/04
Humans need interaction, fun, distractions because without them life isn't worth living. It's the sad truth... if death were easier the human race would be long gone at this point. Right now life certainly isn't worth living for me. That doesn't mean i'll stop living it though just occasionally I want to. There are of course consolations - nothing is black or white. there is beauty in the world and there are good days along with the bad. Lonelyness is hell. Hell on earth. I need someone to love and love me back. It seems I'm long for this world anyways... I understand it, better than most. But an instant still feels like just that. The absolute instant. I'm not the man I was yesterday, or will be tomorow. right now unfortunatly death would be better. *sigh*. Better times may come. those past are gone.
I'm alive. I think. I understand. I create. I'm no fool, and I'm not crazy. this isn't a death wish. this is simply calculated reality. get over yourselves...
Me. Dave


Times did get better. That very night in fact... not with love but with friends. And you know what? The next night and morning were better. Much better. So while I don't always know where I stand, at least I know that this is one of those better times. And this instant is worth living. I feel like smiling.
:)

Truely,
Me